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Stop People Pleasing


#23: Why Is It So Hard To Set Boundaries?

Apr 29, 2021

HEADS UP! https://www.theshiftinside.com/freed/

17th May sees the start of Boundary Setting 101 Week. The link has more information about this series of 3 free masterclasses that will make this challenge…well, less challenging.

Why Is It So Hard To Set Boundaries? In today’s episode, I dive deep into some fundamental truths about the challenges of standing up for yourself…truths that I only discovered in getting over my own blocks to boundary setting.

 

Interview of The Week

…is Riz Ahmed, appearing on Kermode and Mayo’s Film Review

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p09clnkr

 

Main section: What To Do If Boundary Setting Is Tough

I tear down the 3 reasons you may believe that you cannot say no and stand your ground more often.

REASON #1 - I’M TOO WEAK

I challenge the very notion of you having a fixed personality. Are you the same person you were 20, 10 or even 5 years ago? What I think is really going on when you say “I can’t do boundaries because I am not strong enough” is that it carries a perceived risk that is far more significant than the situation warrants.

 

REASON #2 - CAVEBRAIN INTERPRETS IT AS A SURVIVAL THREAT

Listen to episode 17 for more about Cavebrain

http://stoppeoplepleasingshow.com/17-what-is-cavebrain-and-why-it-matters-in-stopping-people-pleasing

People pleasing is about seeking external acceptance because you don’t feel you can offer that to yourself – and creating healthy boundaries threatens that. What people don’t realise is that to the primitive part of your brain, that threat is very real and a basic survival issue. Find out why in this section.

I also introduce you to the solution

 

REASON #3 – I HAVE TRIED IT IN THE PAST AND IT HAS GONE BADLY

Maybe you have only set boundaries when you were so furious that it was eating you up. The solution is to understand the difference between proactive and reactive boundary setting and give you a real life example.

 

RESOURCES

More on Boundary setting 101 Week here

https://www.theshiftinside.com/freed/

 

Listen to episode 17 for more about Cavebrain

http://stoppeoplepleasingshow.com/17-what-is-cavebrain-and-why-it-matters-in-stopping-people-pleasing

 

For more about 1 to 1 coaching with Harriet

https://www.theshiftinside.com/stop/

 

Email; info {at} theshiftinside dot com